Messy Prayers

Early in my church leadership, when I served as a youth pastor, our student ministry befriended a 15 year-old who found herself pregnant and in need of support. Along with other members of our congregation, Shannon and I offered significant time assisting with meals, doctor visits, supplies, and a baby shower. Shortly before her due date, our friend was told that her baby had serious developmental difficulties and would be born with down’s syndrome and a hole in his heart that would require surgery in the early days of his little life. His physical hole left a spiritual hole in us. We prayed for healing and for endurance.

After Jorell was born, the prayer and care didn’t stop. We continued to take meals, help with doctor appointments, and pray for healing. We celebrated his first birthday, thanking God that we got to see that day. Not long afterward, we were called to the hospital, because his little body was struggling to make it in this broken world. Shannon and I went into the room where Jorell fought hard to draw air into his tiny lungs, often coughing exhaustedly at the excess oxygen. Over tears, we begged God to hear our voice and to heal his little body. His mama thanked us and let us know she’d be okay for the night and we told her that one of us would be back the next day. Shortly after we left, we got the news that he didn’t survive the night. 

Though I didn’t admit it then, I felt pretty defeated. It wasn’t the first time that I spent significant amounts of prayer requesting good on behalf of someone else only to be discouraged and disappointed, thinking that my prayers were a powerless waste and it certainly wasn’t the last time. I know too that I’m not the only one that has felt this wrestling with a sense of prayer inadequacy. 

Many of us, when discouraged, or disappointed, or angry, or fearful give up on a life of prayer. When it doesn’t seem effective, we reason within ourselves that it would be better to simply cease praying than continue to be disappointed. The step we may take before giving up altogether is to make our prayers superstitious. What I mean by that is we focus on a certain pattern of behavior and words when we pray to ensure that our prayers make it to the right “address.” Perhaps if we use the Lord’s name enough times, or we close our eyes a little tighter, or really really believe, then we’ll get the requests of our hearts. But, for some strange reason, not many of us are simply honest about our anger, frustration, and disappointment. 

This has taught me that one of the greatest hindrances to our spiritual growth is the dishonesty we express in our prayers. One of the keys to maturity is recognizing that we don’t always get what we want. It’s one of the first lessons we learn as babies crawling about looking for anything and everything to put into our mouths. Unfortunately, our churches are full of leaders who stunt the growth of God’s people by refusing to declare to them this fundamental truth and we have congregations that are spiritual infants. We’re not given permission to express through tears, sadness, and even rage our disappointments. Our prayers are sanitized and powerless and very unlike the prayers we read about in the Bible.

Consider Hannah in I Sam. 1, who was incapable of conceiving children and had a rival, Peninnah, who would provoke her about it. For years she wept, refused to eat, and expressed a sad heart. The Bible explains that “She was deeply distressed and prayed to the Lord and wept bitterly” (I Sam. 1:10). Or consider David the King who is described in the Psalms as “crying aloud” (3:4), ”distressed” (4:1),  “groaning” (5:1), “languishing” (6:2), and even “flooding my bed with tears” (6:6). Consider even Jesus,

And he took with him Peter and James and John, and began to be greatly distressed and troubled. And he said to them, “My soul is very sorrowful, even to death. Remain here and watch.” And going a little farther, he fell on the ground and prayed that, if it were possible, the hour might pass from him. And he said, “Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Remove this cup from me.” Mark 14:33-36

All of these were honest and expressed a wide variety of emotions, even the troubling ones. 

The Bible gives admonitions and examples of His people  approaching Him by honestly sharing a full range of emotions, including the ones that feel “messy.“ We are free to express feelings of frustration, disappointment, aggravation, groaning, crying, and even begging for a change of circumstances. God is not afraid of our emotions, so why are we? The resurrection teaches us that not even the horror of betrayal and death can stop the love that He has for His people, therefore, even a long season of unpleasant emotions couldn’t separate us. 

I believe that we will grow spiritually and mature emotionally, when we begin to get honest with God. He is often inviting us into an emotionally messy relationship with Himself and he invites the whole person into that relationship, not just the sanitized words we shallowly offer up. So, what would it look like for you to offer up “messy“ prayers to God?

*Name of baby changed to respect the family's privacy.

Submitted by: Kurt Hannah