What is Beneath the Surface of our Restlessness?

I often find resting to be more difficult than working. Do you feel that tension in your life? Sometimes I lack the energy I know it’s going to take to rest well and just keep on working. Odd, isn’t it? How could resting be more difficult and exhausting at times than working? This seems like an impossibility, doesn’t it? I know this tension all too well, the tension of restlessness. More and more I am finding what St. Augustine of Hippo said to be true when he said of our relationship with God,  “You have made us for yourself, and our hearts are restless until it rests in You”.  Restlessness is what is left at the intersection of our limitless desire and the limitations of our reality. There is only ONE who is without limits and it isn’t me or you, despite our best efforts to prove that we are. Restlessness is the natural progression of living life outside of God’s limits and rhythms. God in His wisdom and love for us instituted a rhythm of work and rest culminating in six days for the purpose of work and one day of rest.  Perhaps you are like me and you find your restlessness exposes itself in overworking, or perhaps you find your restlessness exposing itself in underworking. Both realities can be a means by which we are seeking to escape or bypass what is true of us! 

If you are like me you probably spend a lot of time addressing what is happening “above the surface” of your life. Addressing what meets the eye and is easily recognizable both by you and the people around you. Often I’ve found that tapping into the underlying motivations” beneath the surface”, or “the why behind the what” is much more complicated and confusing. Because of this it sometimes seems easier to address surface behaviors instead of addressing the heart issues that are behind those behaviors. When it comes to rest and the challenges that I have with resting, I read more books, listen to more podcasts, and listen to more sermons about rest and sabbath. I have so many books on the topic of REST that I’m exhausted just thinking about them, and I suspect that I’m not alone. 

Despite scripture’s consistent admonishments to rest and to rest in God, how are you actually doing that? I know sometimes this is very blurry for me. The answer hasn’t gotten clearer as I’ve read more scripture and more books on the subject. Learning better ways to rest hasn’t addressed the restlessness that I still feel in that space between my unlimited desires and the limitations of my reality. I’m still very much in the process of discovering the depth of what lies beneath the surface of my restlessness but I have recognized some patterns in my life that may be of help to you as you navigate what lies beneath the surface of your restlessness.

I’m restless because I’m avoiding my pain.

Sometimes I’m restless because subconsciously I believe that if I keep moving I won’t have to see, feel, need or take responsibility.  Many of us have experienced deep woundedness due to sins committed against us or have felt the pain that comes along with the consequences of sins that perhaps we have committed. I spent large parts of my life not attuned to these pains. Why is that? Fundamentally, I think if I never saw the reality of these pains, I wouldn’t have to feel the feelings that come along with them, I wouldn’t have to see my neediness, and ultimately I wouldn’t have to take responsibility or do anything in response to all that I was feeling or needing. There is no doubt that I received messages about pain and how to respond to it all throughout my life. These messages came from within my family of origin, the culture within the churches that I grew up in, and more broadly from the culture that I find myself living in. Messages like pain should be avoided at all costs, you can’t trust your feelings, and that my worth to people is found in what I do for them. In a lot of ways, we learned to trust or mistrust because of these pains and how they were worked through or not worked through. I received messages about trust connected to these. Messages like trust no one but yourself, you can’t trust anyone, etc. These inevitably play out in my relationships with God, myself, and others. If I can’t trust anyone, how then can I trust God and what He says about rest and work if I can only trust myself so I just keep working! What types of messages have you received about pain in your life that may be underneath the surface of your restlessness? What wounds or sins in your life have you avoided addressing by escaping or bypassing them?  What is beneath your mistrust of God, yourself, and others? 

I’m restless because I’m avoiding my limitations.

Sometimes I find myself restless because I think I’m the exception. God has given us a rhythm of working six days and resting one day and that is all well and good for everyone around me, but surely that couldn’t also be good for me. We find all kinds of reasons to self justify this behavior, don’t we? I have found myself saying this is just a temporary season, once I get THIS done I’ll be able to rest, God has given me a supernatural strength to be able to keep pushing through, I mean, It has gotten me this far hasn’t it? Some of the lies that I find myself believing during these moments is that I am what I do, that God’s primary interest in me is not who I am, but what I am able to do for Him. The reality is that we are “human beings” not “human doings”, but how much of our time is spent “being” and developing our “being” rather than “doing” and developing our “doing”? An honest assessment for me a lot of times reveals that I’m restless because my “being” and “doing” are out of balance! What is it for you? Why are limits so intimidating for you? What messages have you received in your life about the balance of work and rest? What messages have you received about your value in connection to your work and rest? When you rest, if you rest, how do you feel about it? Does your restlessness reveal an unhealthy and potentially idolatrous relationship with work? Does rest feel like a sin to you? Why is that? 

I’m restless because I’m avoiding my “true self”.

Sometimes I find that the energy it takes to keep up the outward false ways that I’ve projected myself takes up too much energy for me to rest. It takes a lot of energy being someone that you aren’t, doesn’t it? Living up to an alter ego that you’ve created for yourself, or one that has been projected unto you by others is exhausting. I remember a conversation that I had with my Spiritual Life Coach, Jim about my restlessness and a specific relationship that I have in my life. I was describing the “role” that I played in this person’s life. He asked me very directly, “Matt, is this a role that you want to play in his life, or do you feel like you have to?” At that moment I realized so much about the reality that I often play this role not just in this specific person’s life but many others not always because I want to, but sometimes because I feel like I have to. I’m still digging into why that is, but it caught my attention. As we’ve already mentioned, in some ways we have all been wounded by something or someone and the invitation that God makes to us through that woundedness, is come to me and in me find healing. Likewise, we all are living with the consequences of our own choices and sins and the invitation that God makes to us through these consequences is to come to me, confess, and in me find forgiveness and freedom. We don’t have to keep being something that we aren’t, because Jesus loves you and me just as WE ARE. In what ways are you restless because you are trying to “keep up” with an outward projection that you’ve made about yourself or that others have made of you? What about this “false self” may God be inviting you to strip away so that your “true self” can come forth? 

The Gospel of Jesus frees us to be honest about who we are, where we are, and where we’ve been because there isn’t anything that the cross of Jesus and the resurrection of Jesus hasn’t overcome. Freedom doesn’t come in hiding, bypassing, or avoiding our realities, it’s found in the exposure of and honesty about our realities. God meets us and transforms us in our realities. Why are you restless? The invitation from God is to enter His rest, secured for us in Jesus Christ. In Christ, we see a man who knew who He was, too whom He belonged, where He came from, and where He was going. In Christ, we’ve been freed up to live and work and rest from this same place! 

Submitted By: Matthew Korte