Being with God in Silence & Solitude

I remember the day like it was yesterday. I had come home from the office following a heavy day of pastoral ministry and church planting to discover that a pair of my socks had been matched with one of Richard's socks. Richard was at that time my twelve-year-old son.  Seems pretty unimportant but close to ten years in student ministry had taught me a lot of things, one of which is that I did not want to put my feet into a pair of socks that have been worn by a middle school boy. Upon this discovery, I was pretty upset and began taking out my frustrations on my wife. At some point in my “rant” of frustration I remember the Holy Spirit asking me “what are you doing?” and I realized that my response was ridiculous and that something was going on beneath the surface of my life that up until that moment I had not been aware of. 

A few days later during a scheduled session with my spiritual life coach Jim, I shared with him the events of that moment and that there is obviously something going on within me but also that I had no clue what was going on or what I needed to do about it.  This was my introduction to the spiritual disciplines of silence and solitude. Jim challenged me to begin incorporating silence and solitude into my devotional rhythms.. I’ve never been one to back down from a challenge and I knew that I did not want to continue having $1,000 responses to $1 problems so I gave silence and solitude a try. Up until this point, my life was pretty noisy and chaotic with a myriad of spiritual activities. I mean, I was planting and pastoring a growing church. Every moment of every day was filled with a lot of doing for God, but that left little room for being with God. Silence and solitude became the invitation from God that I had been deeply missing and needing without even realizing it. 

For me, as it is for many, silence was and still is incredibly intimidating. I have a gift for making life very busy and noisy. Anyone else share this gift? I was always running from thing to thing and listening to a podcast, music, or taking a phone call on my way to the next thing! This had left me pretty spiritually depleted, to say the least. I was still reading scripture, praying, and connecting in community with God’s people doing all of the things that I had been taught good Christians do but a deep communion with God was lacking. My prayer life was just as chaotic, just as busy and noisy as the rest of my life. I rarely slowed down long enough to see what God was doing in me and around me, listen to His voice, or just be with Him.  This was God's invitation to me during this season of life and I’m thankful for the ways silence and solitude have provided a way for me to be with Him.

I learned that in some ways my activity was my subconscious way of not having to be left alone with my sin, idolatry, and brokenness before God. I was deceiving myself into believing that I was more spiritually healthy than I was. Dallas Willard, the late spiritual formation philosopher said that “silence is frightening because it strips us as nothing else does, throwing us upon the stark realities of our life. It reminds us of death, which will cut us off from this world and leave only us and God.” Pete Scazzero, pastor and author of Emotionally Healthy Spirituality says that “When we practice the discipline of silence and solitude we come face to face with our addiction to being in control and always trying to fix things.” Perhaps this was why my life was filled with constant noise and distraction including my spiritual life. Silence is vulnerable as it leaves just me and God and vulnerability has always been something for me that should be avoided at all costs.

Dallas Williard called silence and solitude the two most radical disciplines of the Christian life. Solitude being the practice of being absent from people and things to attend to God. Silence is the practice of quieting every inner and outer voice to attend to God. Henri Nouwen the late catholic theologian and author said that “without solitude, it is almost impossible to live a spiritual life.” Life is chaotic and there is seemingly an infinite number of voices and things competing for our attention. There is always more to achieve and more ways to perform. Silence and solitude have provided a means for me to stop, to silence those voices, and “be still” amidst the chaos and confusion of life. As I was challenged to incorporate silence and solitude into my devotional life I want to challenge you to do the same.

One of the easiest ways to begin practicing the disciplines of silence and solitude is to add them to things that you are already doing. Do you have time or times throughout the day where you stop to read scripture? What about days or times throughout the day where you stop to eat meals? At the heart of silence and solitude is stopping to surrender to God in trust. It’s the letting go of our need to control and our need to achieve and spending precious time with God. A time that is not full of striving, doing, talking but listening to God and being with God. This is so unusual for us that it's going to be uncomfortable. I have found it helpful to pray small simple prayers with each breath such as “I need you Jesus”  or “teach me to be still God”. This helps to bring me back to contemplation on my need for God as I am learning to be still before Him and be with Him. I would also encourage you to begin with 1-2 minute time intervals and setting a timer. Even this will be challenging for a season but as you practice these disciplines they’ll become more comfortable. When I began practicing silence and solitude 2 minutes seemed like an eternity, now I search and revise my schedule often to find more time to be alone with God in silence and solitude. My prayer and hope is that these disciplines become as much of a joy for you as they have been for me. 

Submitted by: Matt Korte